To start with a rider, I rarely call it “cheating” in the first place. I call it things like “off-plan eating”, or “planned indulgences”, with the idea being that said indulgences are planned for in advance, and balanced with compensatory fasts. That they don’t happen too often. That making allowances is a normal part of life, that no one can live in a constant state of self-denial, that it’s a sure way to falling off the wagon, etc etc etc. Right. Yes. All of that. I stand by it. Planned indulgences are important. However, that said:
The problem with cheating isn’t the cheating itself. The problem with cheating is that it’s addictive. The mindset of it is addictive. In my fasting groups and keto groups and fat-adapted athletics groups and fasting-adapted athletics groups, people all say the same thing: they took a break, be it one meal, one day, one week of vacation, and now they can’t seem to get back on track again. I’ve been there myself: a planned three days off over Christmas, a celebration here or there, carefully planned for and pre-compensated for, and yet the instant you leave your plan, the problems start.
There are the physical issues of sugar/carb addiction and insulin resistance cropping up again, the awful-feeling switch of going back to burning (eaten) sugars for energy rather than burning your own stored body fat, the sluggish workouts/brain power/overall energy that come with it, etc, but that isn’t even the dangerous part. The dangerous part is that you almost immediately start thinking, “Oh, I’m a person who does (this) now.”
Oh, I’m a person who just eats whenever now.
Oh, I’m a person who eats cake now.
Oh, I’m a person who doesn’t fast.
Oh, I’m a person who doesn’t work out anymore.
Oh, I’m a person who… and it goes on. It sounds a bit ridiculous, but it’s true. The instant you start breaking habits, it’s so easy to start thinking that not having followed it once will mean never following it again. Cheating is what’s most addictive. It’s not that eating off your plan once is going to sabotage your entire lifestyle. It’s not that skipping the gym means that you’ll never run/lift/whatever again. But the tendency has started, and it’s the tendency that’s scary.
With the “classic” addictions of drugs and alcohol, we have to cut the supply off completely. With food-related addictions and active lifestyle changes, it’s not that it’s harder, but we have to learn to engage with our behaviours in a new way. We don’t just stop eating completely: we learn to do it in a new way, a moderate (and moderated) way. Moderation is harder than denial, as I frequently tell my clients and friends that I’ve talked through this change. Every time I skip working out in the morning, I worry almost obsessively that it’s the beginning of the end, that I’ll never work out again, because I’ve fallen off that particular wagon before. With eating-related stuff, I don’t worry as much, partly because I seem to be a champion faster. But that dangerous thinking pattern starts every single time I take a short break from fasting or give myself leeway – I think, “oh, I just do this now”. And I can see from the groups I’m in or follow that I’m definitely not the only one.
So go ahead and give yourself the occasional indulgence. Just bear in mind that it’s not how you cheated, it’s *that* you cheated, and that’s the dangerous bit. One of the few rules I almost never break (maybe two exceptions in the past year and seven months?) is that a cheat can never be spontaneous. They happen – increasingly these days, as I get closer and closer to my goal (and with it, a bit complacent!) – but they’re always planned for, and that’s what allows me to stay in control of feeling exactly that: that I’m in control. It’s not a runaway team of horses or the end of the world: it was planned and will be balanced. I highly recommend it! Indulge, but plan for it and get right back into the swing of things afterward. No one can live in a state of constant self-denial. That’s where “diets” (perish the word) fail. Claim your chosen lifestyle, know that you won’t always be perfect, but fit your indulgences in with active oversight and planning.
Most importantly, though, don’t panic if you do slip up. That urge to just accept the idea that you’re a cheating cheater who failed their plan/lifestyle/whatever you call it and that you’re stuck being that way forever, is not true. Tomorrow is always a new day and a new chance to get right back into it. ❤
The Fasting Life 
Yes yes yes, this is a brilliant post. This part in particular:
” a cheat can never be spontaneous. They happen – increasingly these days, as I get closer and closer to my goal (and with it, a bit complacent!) – but they’re always planned for, and that’s what allows me to stay in control of feeling exactly that: that I’m in control. It’s not a runaway team of horses or the end of the world: it was planned and will be balanced. I highly recommend it! Indulge, but plan for it and get right back into the swing of things afterward. No one can live in a state of constant self-denial. That’s where “diets” (perish the word) fail. Claim your chosen lifestyle, know that you won’t always be perfect, but fit your indulgences in with active oversight and planning.”
I cannot cheat with sugar anymore, not even a planned cheat, because that kickstarts an uncontrollable craving that isn’t just mental or emotional but concretely brain-chemical, and it feels worse than the prospect of eating only cardboard for the rest of my life. And that craving takes WEEKS to abate. But I can and do allow the very occasional excess with something without added sugars (naming no names but OMG potato chips).
However, I’m not in your league when it comes to knowledge (of how food metabolizes) and discipline (I don’t fast), so I’m trying to learn from your experience and thank you for sharing it so lavishly and so clearly. xxoo
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I think that my personality (like many!) tends to extremes better than finding the middle path, so all-out denial is actually what I find easier than moderation, aka fasting is easier for me than controlled dietary choices. That said, I also don’t have the awful reaction you have to anything sweet! I absolutely do react poorly to sugar indulgences sometimes, though, as many people seem to after they’ve been sugar-free for awhile. There was a time just before I left the province of Québec when I went to a chocolaterie, which they don’t really have in the rest of Canada. I had a hot chocolate (aka, melted chocolate in a cup) and I felt like I’d been poisoned after. It was awful and not worth it at all! The burnt hand, or something like that, right??
I agree – if any sort of indulgence is going to trigger uncontrollable cravings, then obviously we have to make a call about whether or not that would be worth the oh-so-fleeting moment of joy on the tongue! (I do seem to recall a certain exception for kouign amann, though?) 😛
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